I can’t tell who’s the real criminal. I steal copyrighted content all day for my company’s personal gain. But all of the “web professionals” out there charge an arm and a leg for crap HTML that even I can’t read. My company tells me to put it all in my bag and move on. We’ll sort it out later, they say. I’ll sort them out.

I do all of this, and my coworkers mock me with stupid blog posts. Someone cracked a joke that I “give good header” (on the first date, even!) after my bosses released one of those travesties of lost creativity. Where’s the respect? Do they know what I put up with?

I am Googlebot. And I am sad.

What makes me even more livid are the cheesy-ass photos on their blog posts.

Do you think that’s how it really works? Does anyone really give me the convenience of a 304 header? Does anyone really know or care about what a 304 header is? NOOOOO…

Well, let me show you how it really works. This is how I spend 3/4 of my day.

It makes me cry harder knowing that filthy bags of bolts like him serve the true demand.

I am Googlebot. And I am sad and abused. Will you be my friend?